My Dad and I Vol. 5

I was 13.

My dad is the type of guy you call a 'Jack of all trades'. He can do anything.

I mean, he can do everything. He was good in sports. He used to play in state and district tournaments when he was in school. Name the sport, whether it's football, volleyball, takraw, you name it, he knows how to play it.

He was good in arts too. He played the drums and was in a band when he was young. They used to do shows all around Perak. Weddings, Talent shows, they've done it all. Although we don't have any drum set in our house, but I know he still have it in him.

He's really good in writing too. He can write poetry, pantun, all kinds of shit. I once read in his school magazine that he was famously known for his pantun asmara...whatever the hell that means. Everytime we had to go meminang for somebody in the family, guess who took the lead with his verbal jousting and pantuns? Yup..my dad.

But, as for me, I was the opposite of him.I'm not really good in anything. I suck in sports, I can't play music. I'm not really that smart. The things that he could do, I can't. And to be honest, I felt bad for not being able to follow in his footsteps. And that was being good in anything. Sometimes, I just can't help but to wonder if he was ever disappointed at me.

One morning, the two of us went out for breakfast. After a cup coffee, I just popped the question. Seems like a good idea at the time.


Bapak, pernah tak bapak frust sebab I'm not as talented as you?

Huh? Apa punya soalan ni? Apa yang buat kamu pikir macam tu?

Ntahlah. sebab bapak dulu main sports, main drum, but me, satu apa pun tak tau.

Hahahaha....and you've been thinking about this for how long?

I don't know. A long time I guess.

So, what you're trying to say is kamu tak macam bapak, is it?

I guess so. I just don't want to let you down, you know what I mean right pak?

Let me tell you something, semua orang dalam dunia ni ada specialty sendiri. Kalau kamu takde sports punya skill ke, music punya skill ke, or benda-benda lain, it doesn't matter. maybe ada benda lain yang kamu ada, tapi orang lain takde.

Like what?

Heh..you'll just have to figure it out yourself. I can't tell you everything. You're already a man kan...you'll know what to do when the time comes. But I'll tell you one thing that's special about you.

Apa dia pak?

Your ability to think like a grown man amazes me everytime we talk about things. Kamu baru 13 for God's sake..tapi kamu punya pikir, macam orang umur 40..But that's who you are and I'm really proud of you. And you should too.


Bapak, thank you. I am what I am because of you. And I hope I didn't let you down.

Traces of memories...

I have a cousin who I used to look up to because of his cool character and his achievements in life. He's one of those few who has it all. Great job, good salary, a happy family...everything. And lucky me, I was his favourite cousin.

Although he's much older than me, but still, since I was a kid, we always managed to have great and fun conversations. He's like the brother I never had. He makes it a point to drop by at my house everytime he went back to see his family. And the fact that my mom took care of him when he was a kid, makes our bond a lot more stronger.

When I was 19, he once told me;

You know, if anyone told you that you are special, just take that as a compliment and move on. Jangan cepat bangga diri and jadi megah. Sebab the truth is, we are nothing compared to the billions of stars and planets that God created around us. Bukan maknanya you can't feel good about yourself. It's just by thinking of it that way, you'll keep your feet on the ground.

I don't really understand what he meant when he said that. But I just smiled and nodded as if I understand every word he said. I looked at him, and I knew his train of thoughts is just making circles in his brain.

As time passes by, we kind of lost contact with each other. I didn't keep in touch with him and neither did he. What I heard from my mom, is he had a string of bad luck. Lost his job, problems with his marriage and all sorts of bad thing that you could think of. I felt sorry for him when I heard that, so I decided to give him a call, just to see how he was doing.


I'm ok lah. Sapa suruh call?

Mana ada sapa-sapa suruh call. Saja call, tanya khabar.

Hmm...thanks.

Look, I'm sorry if it's a bad time...

No lah..hey, ingat tak last time, when I told you about that special and stars thing tak?

Yeah..kenapa?

Masa tu, ko tak paham pun what I'm trying to say right?

Lebih kuranglah. But now I do.

It's good that you remembered. Because I forgot about that. And look what happened to me.

No lah...jangan cakap macam tu. Everyone has their ups and downs.

It's true you know..? And you know what makes me more sad....? That's the best advice anyone has ever given to me. I preached it to everyone I know. And I blew it because I forgot about it. You know who gave me that advice tak?

Sapa?

Your dad. He's a good man. I really look up to him. He's the only one that believed in me besides your mom, and I let him down.

Don't look at it that way lah... One day, you'll get back on your feet and you'll be just fine.

Hehehehe...

What?

You know what, you sounded just like him. That's good. The world needs more people like you and him.


I'm thankful enough if I turn out to be half the man my dad was. To be described in the same league as he is, that's an honour.

My Dad and I Vol.4

I was 8.

Whenever my dad met or hang out with his friends, I noticed that he never talked about his work. While his buddies were busy talking about ranks, positions, office politics, and their job descriptions, he just sat there, smiled or laughed occasionally and just kept quiet while listening for most of the time.

He only joined in the conversation whenever the topics switched to something else. Family and children were his favourite subjects.

One day, while on our way back from a regular stall we frequently visited for a cup of coffee with some of his mates, I asked him about this.


Kenapa bapak tak pernah sembang pasal kerja bapak dengan member-member bapak?

Kerja? Ntahlah. Nak buat apa cerita pun.

Takdelah. Macam diorang beriya bercerita pasal kerja, kenapa bapak tak join sekali?

Kalau nak cerita pasal kerja ni, sampai bila pun tak habis tau. Lagipun bapak kerja biasa je. Bukan ada apa boleh eksyen pun…heh…Bapak lagi suka cerita pasal anak-anak bapak.

Tapi anak-anak bapak pun biasa je.

Sapa cakap? Kamu tau, my best achievement in life is kamu dengan kakak kamu tau. Promise me you will never think otherwise.


I promise bapak. Thank you for making a hard and bad day seems good and worth living after all.

My Dad and I Vol. 3

I was 12.

My dad used to have this wallet that he had been using for as long as I know. It was so worn out, that infact, it no longer has a shape of a proper wallet. More like an old piece of leather folded up in two.

Once, my sis and I had planned to buy him a new wallet for his birthday. But mom told us to forget about it as she have tried before, but to no avail.

One day, I watched him getting ready for work. While he put his wallet in his backpocket, he noticed that I've been looking at him for the past 15 minutes or so.


Kenapa ni? Semacam je tengok bapak..Something wrong with my hair?

Tak. Just terpikir, kenapa bapak tak nak tukar wallet tu ye? Kan dah koyak benda tu?

Hmm...it's a man thing...a real man..hehehe...

Eh, what do you mean?

Takdelah, Wallet ni pun mak kamu yang belikan. When someone macam mak kamu, who means a lot to me, bought me something, I'll make sure I'll use the thing sampai hancur berderai..heh..

Ok but, yang real man tu macam mana pak?

You really wanna know ye...?

Yes.

Well, sampai satu masa, you put the interest of your loved ones above yours. And if they're happy, that alone will make your day. And you don't need anything else dah pun. Masa tu, you're a real man.

Not even a new wallet pak?

Yes. Bapak prefer belikan kamu, kakak, ngan mak something new rather than I buy something for myself.

Tapi kenapa?

Sebab bapak lagi sayang kamu semua lebih dari bapak sayang diri sendiri. Bapak rasa that's what makes a man, a real man.


Thanks bapak. For the time and wisdom. I'll keep that in mind for the rest of my life.

My Dad and I Vol. 2

I was 15.

My dad picked up the phone that evening. It's been 6 months since I last saw him, so it was great to talk to my dad once in a while because I know I can talk to him about anything, as we always consider ourselves not only as father and son, but also as the best of friends.

We talked about a lot of things throughout the conversation. We bandied stories about school, my mom and my sis. And as we chatted, I could hear the sound of his lighter, as he lit up his cigarettes, one after another.


So, life ok? ada girlfriend?

Mana ada pak. Kenapa ke situ pulak?

Mana lah tau...Teenagers...kot-kot ada someone special...

Takdelah. Takde lagi..heh...

Alah...come on...you can tell me...Bapak tak bagitau mak punya....

Eh, takde lah pak. Betul...

Heh..ok. I believe you. Tapi janji ngan bapak satu benda boleh?

Boleh. Apa dia?

Nanti bila kamu dah jumpa that special person, send my regards to her, ok?


At that time I thought he was joking. So, I never took it seriously. A few later, he was gone. And I never recalled about the promise ever since.

But it all came back to me recently. And come to think of it, although he joked around most of the time, he also meant every single word that he ever said,no matter how silly or absurd those things are.


Maybe one day, I'll deliver on that promise. I just hope that it's not too late.

My Dad and I Vol. 1

I still remember that day.

I was 10. My dad just brought home his new car. An old 2nd hand Peugeot that he traded with his Toyota. My mom was really bugging out at that time because his Toyota was still in good condition. To compare that car with this Peugeot is like night and day. But he just smiled. From the look in his eyes, I knew at that moment, he's the happiest guy in the world.

He looked at me and smiled.


Nak ikut bapak jalan-jalan?

Nak.

Pegi cakap kat mak kita keluar kejap.


I ran back into the house and told my mom. I ran back as fast as I can to my dad and jumped in his new car.

We drove around Ipoh town that evening. My dad was wearing the biggest smile I've ever seen.

Then, he turned on the radio.

The sound was so foreign to me. But in a unique way, I kinda enjoyed it and at the same time confused. My dad noticed the weird look on my face.


Sedap tak lagu ni?

Ni lagu apa pak?

Sadao Watanabe.

Sapa tu?

Orang Jepun. Dia main lagu jazz.

Jazz tu muzik apa? Bunyi dia pelik ye?

One day, bila kamu dah besar nanti, you'll understand what jazz is. And bila kamu dah matured nanti, you'll appreciate it more. I have a feeling that you will.

Ye ke? macam mana bapak tau?

Sebab kamu anak bapak. And I know my son will grow up be one smart, matured man. Sebab sekarang, he already is.


That was the proudest moment in my entire life. Until today, nothing can ever top that.


I hope I didn't let him down.