Lost track of time..

Working late at night and having no sleep for more than 24 hours will make some of us go insane in a very slow and remote manner.

But, when, you have been doing it for almost the entire existence of your career, you'll kind of get used to it and further more, it'll sometimes drag you into this world where the only thing that matters to you is coffee, cigarettes, your monitor's contrast and brightness, mouse-sensitivity, keyboard-reliability and the toilet.

Nothing else make sense anymore.

But when all those burdens have been completed, when all the work is done, you'll encounter another problem.

Trouble in getting some shut eye.


Deadlines. They suck.

Reinvigorated being....

I went back to Ipoh for the weekend. Just wanted to see my family as I wanted to spend more time with them.

And every night, after everybody has gone to sleep, it gave me more time to reflect upon certain things that really need to be contemplated.

I've forgotten how good it felt just being alone at night outside my house with a glass of kopi Che Nah and puffing away a few sticks of Sampoerna Menthol Cigarettes, while thinking and waiting, what will happen and transpire in the near future. You know, what's in store...that kind of thing...

I mean, you need that kind of atmosphere once in a while right? Just you, and your thoughts wandering away.

And now that I'm back, I realize something.


Today is a brand new day. And right now, I'm extremely happy and excited.

I don't get it either....

Considering the fact that I've been writing more often lately than I used to, I should have anticipated that sooner or later, this writing frenzy of mine would come to a screeching halt anytime soon.

I mean, I'm not really good with words. The fact that I couldn't stay focus on relaying a message that I've been thinking about in my head is one of the few examples that I might be expecting a drought of ideas in the long run. It's like, it's there but it's not there.

Get it?

No? ok fine. That's not the point.

The thing is, constantly reprising ideas is not really a good way of conveying your thoughts on paper/blog or whatever. Spontaneity is sometimes the key to express those thoughts that would in turn spark imaginations and also ignite sombre feelings. Right?

Wait....

That's not the point either..


See, I told you I'm not good with words....

Not that Panglossian..

A few days ago, another year has been added to my age.

That means, I have now reached the same age as my dad when he already has a 3 year old daughter and also, I officially have three more years to go before I reach the mid point of the sixth stage in Erikson's Theory of Psychosocial Development.

Another year, another story, same old-but slightly grown me.

Most people would ask;

So, what will you do next?

What's your plan?

What do you have in mind for the future?

Honestly, I dont know what I'll do. Because I haven't figure it out completely yet. I mean, I've thought about the main things, but, you know, not the details.

Basically, yeah, I havent really thought through about what I will do next. But I'm excited about doing it.

That should count, right? I mean, I think that's how life should be.


Exciting.

My Dad and I Vol. 2

I was 15.

My dad picked up the phone that evening. It's been 6 months since I last saw him, so it was great to talk to my dad once in a while because I know I can talk to him about anything, as we always consider ourselves not only as father and son, but also as the best of friends.

We talked about a lot of things throughout the conversation. We bandied stories about school, my mom and my sis. And as we chatted, I could hear the sound of his lighter, as he lit up his cigarettes, one after another.


So, life ok? ada girlfriend?

Mana ada pak. Kenapa ke situ pulak?

Mana lah tau...Teenagers...kot-kot ada someone special...

Takdelah. Takde lagi..heh...

Alah...come on...you can tell me...Bapak tak bagitau mak punya....

Eh, takde lah pak. Betul...

Heh..ok. I believe you. Tapi janji ngan bapak satu benda boleh?

Boleh. Apa dia?

Nanti bila kamu dah jumpa that special person, send my regards to her, ok?


At that time I thought he was joking. So, I never took it seriously. A few later, he was gone. And I never recalled about the promise ever since.

But it all came back to me recently. And come to think of it, although he joked around most of the time, he also meant every single word that he ever said,no matter how silly or absurd those things are.


Maybe one day, I'll deliver on that promise. I just hope that it's not too late.