Yes, it is indeed a fact that bullshit walks...

I couldnt sleep after Subuh the other day as I used to, and I thought, while I'm up, I might as well start the day with some tv to kill some time before I'm off to work.

And on the telly that morning was this motivational kind of programme for kids and teenagers, which the speaker, who happens to be a motivation specialist, talked about how to improve life and academic excellence, all of those things in that matter.

I watched it that morning, just for the sake of it. And this motivational speaker, a Doctor to be exact, was going on and on, about life, about family, ambition and all sorts of things. But what got my attention was his thoughts about choosing your friends.


Kalau kita nak berjaya, mestilah kita berkawan dengan orang yang dah berjaya dan orang-orang yang pandai. Barulah kita pun boleh sama-sama berjaya.

Tapi kalau kita asyik berkawan dengan orang-orang yang tak berjaya, orang-orang yang tak berapa pandai, contohnya penoreh getah ke, nelayan ke, pemungut sampah ke, kejayaan tu takkan sampai pada kita. Sebab kelompok rakan atau kenalan kita semuanya tak mencapai kejayaan. Secara tak langsung kita pun takkan berjaya.


Wait, that does not make sense, doesnt it?

I think the last thing we want in this world is another generation of snobs and elitists. Because in my opinion, we already have plenty of that to deal with now, every single day.

I mean, if every morning a motivational specialist could come up with such bullshit for the kids, I wonder what will happen to them in the long run.


What a way to start the day.

Ordinary people...

My housemate always suggested that I am a film snob, which I beg to differ actually. He always complain about my DVD collection, which he said is full of absurd titles. But he has no other choice but to borrow from me when he's out of DVDs to watch.


Pinjam DVD baru boleh?

Ambiklah. ada kat dalam bilik tu.

Ada cerita apa? Hang mesti beli cerita mengarut kan?

Mana ada. Cerita biasa lah.

Tolonglah met. Bagi lah aku pinjam cerita yang boleh terima akal sikit. Ni asyik cerita tahpapa hang beli.

Kan aku ada Jackass trilogi tu..

Tu aku dah tengok. Cerita lain, cerita biasa?

Hang nak cerita apa?

Cerita normal yang fun...yang lelaki normal suka tengok. Cerita yang tak perlu daya berfikir. Cerita yang....

Err....porn?

Heh...you read my mind....Now you're talking....


I guess I'm normal after all.

Do we really need this kind of stuff....?

This is a true story. And I swear I am not making this up. You might think I did, because I couldn't believe it myself.

I was having my nescafe the other day. It was a sunny day. No signs of rain whatsoever. The place was almost filled with people that day. Luckily, I got my seat and proceeded to read my newspaper while enjoying a glass of nescafe ais.

As I flipped through the pages, I noticed a girl was walking up the stairs . She looked kinda cheerful. Maybe it's because of the weather. She sat at the table behind me. Moments later, a guy, followed suit, with two plates of nasi kandar and took a seat next to her.

Suddenly, the girl cried. She was sobbing continuosly.

I didn't mean to eavesdrop on them or anything. But because of the table's positions, it just made it harder for me not to listen,no matter how hard I try because they were so close behind me. I could tell the guy was really confused about the whole thing.


Kenapa nangis ni?

Sampai hati awak buat saya macam ni....

Apa saya dah buat?

Awak fikirlah sendiri....

Cakaplah....saya ada buat salah ke? Janganlah macam ni....

Awaklah....

Saya?

Ye lah...sampai hati awak ambik nasi je...Papadom mana? Takkan saya nak pegi amik sendiri pulak....


I was dumbfounded.

All that drama just for papadoms...??


God help us all.

Conversations with Mom Vol. 3

Talked to my mom recently. And as always, she never fails to crack me up.


Mak, mak pernah dengar lauk nama upor tak?

Ada. Lauk jawa tu. Kenapa? Kamu nak makan?

Takdelah. Saja tanya.

Mak pun tak reti sangat masaknya. Tapi bolehlah jugak mak masak.

Eh, takpelah mak.

Ngape? Kamu cakap je nak makan apa. Nanti mak masakkan lah....

Err...lasagna mak boleh masak?

Apa dia?

Lasagna.

Kamu lupa ke? Kan haritu mak dah cakap, kalau nak nyebutnya pun mak tak reti, masaknya lagi mak tak tau....


I should keep that in mind next time.

Feels better...

One of the most difficult things to do in life, for me, is starting over.

I mean, it's like you're living in a dark hole. You get used to the obscurities around you. It's cold, comfortable, and dull.

But then, as time goes by, you realize that you're just sick of it. You just had to be somewhere else at the time. You search for a way out, but you just couldnt find it. Because, you're stuck, and you just dont know how to crawl out of that hell hole anymore.

At that time, all you need is just some light. A tiny, shiny, glimmer of light that will just guide you out of that slump. Things will become much more clearer, and you'll figure out which way to go. As you reach the end of it, you're free, and you do not want to be detached from the light anymore.


I think I've found my light. All I need to do now is just find my way to the end of it.


I just hope it'll still be shining.

Auspicious thoughts....

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about possibilities. You know, the phase when you think of the next move that you're going to make in your life.

And honestly, sometimes I just cant help to think that I may not even make it through the day.


But I still remember the day when my dad and me went fishing together. I was 14 at the time, and I had just gone through some disciplinary action at school for smoking.

We talked about a lot of things, but I still remember one particular thing that he said to me.

Kamu tau, whatever it is, I'm just happy you experienced all this masa kamu tgh budak lagi. You know why? Because I know you'll learn from this and I know my son will be a better man than he was meant to be.


I also remember the day when my mom and me were having breakfast together at a stall near our house. I was 18 at the time, and I was waiting for my SPM results.

We talked about a lot of things, but I still remember one particular thing that she said to me.

Teruk mcm mana pun keputusan kamu nanti, mak tak kisah. Kamu tau sebab apa? Sebab mak tau anak mak lagi pandai jaga diri, berbanding anak orang lain yang resultnya lagi bagus dari kamu.


And I still remember the day when my sister and me were having dinner at home one night. I was 23, and just got a job in KL.

We talked about a lot of things, but I still remember one thing that she said to me.

Dont worry too much. I'm sure you're gonna do just fine. You know why? Because I know, you are smarter than those wannabe jocks out there, who doesnt even know how to tie their own shoelaces.


I still remember those days.


Maybe I'll make it through the day after all.

I can see it myself.....

Yes.

I have noticed that too.

That most of my latest entries before this were completely bonkers.

Maybe it was just a phase.

You know, that experimenting stage bulls*#t.

But, dont worry.

That's in the past.

I won't be pulling that kind of stunt anymore.


I mean, for now.

Route to nowhere.....

Are we heading towards the right way?

As we gather around in circles of communion, cracks appear without visibility to the human eyes. We ponder the significance of our own existence, without even realizing the need to shine our own light.

Misconstrued as we are, no mortals were born in this world without importance as every one of us are meant to glow our distinctive reason to be here in the first place. We are neither useless nor without dignity. Integrity and humility are main traits that have been put together in creating a living and breathing persona, that is us.

But, everything has coiled into cobwebs of doubt. We have gone against the grains of our nature. We have become a generation of snobs, which we start to judge each other’s incompetence without accepting the fact that we are as incompetent as the person next to us. In fact, our incompetence is merely a sign which makes us an originator of our own style and substance.


Maybe we should look the other way.

Invulnerable.........

He was never this quiet.

Before, he was the type who would put crayon stains on top of the mountains, and drove people around him mad. As he rolls around with a michievous laugh, dirty stares of anger would instantly turn into snickering laughter of joy as they watched him having the time of his life.

Before, he would try to enjoy the life he has been leading as though human beings were meant to be perfect,in a sense where thoughtfulness and humility is the only way of life.

Before, he would gather the scents of all the aromatic kindness and warmth around him, as if nature is impenetrable from misdeeds and evil intentions of his own kind.

And then, realization struck, and all of those wonderful thoughts were scattered out like birds fleeing for their lives from an inferno rising out of the crevice, where dragons and monsters resides.

As he grows older, he now foresees the actions a man should take while still persist on the hope that life will not turn out to be a nightmare of reckless proportions, and in the end, he will indeed find the answers to life which he has been yearning for all the while.

As he stood toe-to-toe with madness and deceitfulness, he knows exactly what he should do in the face of it all.


He shall remain quiet.

Lights out.....

A lonely walk wont hurt anyone.

A stroll down memory lane wont kill a soul. But as you pass the river of misery and emotions, maybe in the end, you'll see the light that'll guide you to where you want to go.

Delusions may haunt you. Actions may whimsically be executed. In the end, as the light dawns upon you, the reality will give you an earth-shattering shake to your senses and will wake you up from the slumber you are in.

But, how do I know that's where I want to go? Should I ask for directions from others or should I just go with my intuition that is filled with despair and doubt?

You'll have to figure that out yourself.


As I said, a lonely walk wont hurt anyone.

On the brink....

Mentally, I'm exhausted....


I have been working on some things that personally, I am not passionate about. I mean, talk about forcing yourself to be inspired....

And I've also been thinking too much lately on things I'm not really sure about....

Plus a dose of Jarmusch, Gilliam and Dostoevsky doesn't do me any favours either....

I need to get back on the ground...I need to be normal again...I need to do something...Something to get my mind off things...Something that won't stimulate any braincells of mine...

Something....


Now, where did I put my Jackass DVD collection...?