And the list goes on....

This past few months have been great for me. I've been very lucky to have been part of some of the best things that I could only ever dreamed of.

Let's see...

Watch Citizen Kane - check

See The Roots perform live - check

Stash a copy of Brazil in DVD collection - check

Shake Wong Kar Wai's hand - (blank)


Err...Maybe I'm being too optimistic on that last part.

Free Enough...

No one is perfect.

Yup, like it or not, it's the truth.

We all have our dark moments that tarnished the journey of life that we undertook.

Whether in the past, present or maybe in the future, I truly believed that we are not invulnerable from making mistakes.

I don't know about other people, but I certainly have.

I'm not saying I'm proud of the bad things I've done in the past, but I'm not denying it either.

Because like I said, no one is perfect.


But everybody has their own strengths.

Most of us knows what ours are.

Be it brilliance, or be it elegance.

I'm neither the latter nor the former

And I'm not really sure about what mine is.

But one thing I'm sure of, is that I have no problem confessing my imperfections and shortcomings

Because like I said, no one is perfect.


And for that matter, I'd never expected perfection from other people.

Although judgementalism is spreading across the world like a plague, to me, being human is part of a human being's nature. Just be you. Be free to be your own person.


Now that's perfect

Converse in a foreign but local manner....

I once had a conversation with a friend a while back. As we were reminiscing about our wretched life over a glass of nescafe, my friend suddenly came to a conclusion.


Games, man....It's all about how you play it....

What games?

Met, naivety won't take you anywhere. Don't act like you don't know.

No, I dont.

You don't know, or you don't wanna know?

Maybe I dont wanna know.

It's the game people play lah met. Kat mana-mana pun sama je. Politics, business, relationships...it's all about how you play the game.

But what's the point?

To get what you want.

Kenapa takleh straight forward je?

It's just the way it goes. Lagipun, where's the fun in it kalau straight forward? Besides, boring lah kalau takde game.

Boring?

Yup, boring. Takde challenge, takde sweating in your pants, takde adrenaline rush. People will think you're boring lah...


Me? Boring?

Please, tell me something else that I don't already know.

Mumble in the Jungle....

I was once told that one of my favourite phrase that I frequently use in conversations or writing is "make sense".

I don't know why I love to use that phrase but I use it quite often. Maybe because I have this tendency to make sense of all things that happens around me. Things that happen for no reason is something that I just can't fathom. Because although some things happen for no reason, still, it does happen for a reason.

I'm not making sense, am I?

Look, God works in mysterious ways. Maybe that means sometimes, you just have to roll with it. Go with the flow. It doesn't have to make sense everytime it happens. If it happens, it happens. I mean, as I grow older, I realize that maybe some thing are not meant to be understood by us, mere mortals.

"And then what?", you might ask....


I dont know either. Let's just wait and see, shall we...?

What's in store...

Lately, there's a lot of questions running through my mind.

How do you decide?

What is the right thing to do?

When is the right time?

Who would it affect?

Why?


I guess I'll never know until I answer these questions myself.

He's got a point too....

I got a reality check from a good friend of mine recently.


Ko tau tak apa masalah ko met?

Apa dia?

You overthink about all things. Kalau benda tu susah, takpelah. Tapi benda senang, buat apa nak jadikan susah...?

Memanglah, tapi aku kena fikir jugak consequences kat org lain.

Habis bila ko nak pikir pasal ko?

Bila aku rasa apa yang aku nak buat tu takde implication kat orang lain lah.

Oh, macam tu. Oklah. aku bagi contoh ye. Kalau aku terajang ko sekarang, ko nak pikir apa? Ko pikir ko sakit ke, atau ko nak pikir kaki aku yang sakit...?


Is that a trick question?

My niece and Me Vol. 1

My niece will be 5 years old this year. She's smart, adorable, funny and sarcastic, all at the same time. She calls me maman, which is her slang for paman, a javanese term for uncle.

Yes folks, I have no qualms about admitting my ethnicity. I'm Javanese.

But that's not the point. I don't know why but I have this weird feeling that my sister has been secretly teaching my niece on how to make me feel miserable.

Case in point: Telephone conversation ( 5th March 2008)


Maman tengah buat apa?

Maman tengah minum.

Maman minum dengan sapa?

Maman gi minum sorang-sorang lah.

Kenapa maman suka pegi minum sorang-sorang?

Saja je. Kenapa?

Tak best lah minum sorang-sorang.

Kenapa pulak tak best?

Sebab kalau duduk sorang-sorang, nanti orang cakap kita macam orang gila.


Is it just me, or am I right about my sister?

If this doesnt make any sense, then maybe I need help after all....

Sometimes I wonder, are we really free to make decisions in our lives without thinking about the implications of that decision to the people around us?

A lot of us have this notion that the best way to approach this kind of dilemma is by going with your gut.

Maybe for some people, that could work. Perhaps by following our instincts could be the key in finding what you want in life. That is when our actions are totally pure from all the pretentious causes and motives that lingers within our mind like wiggly earth worms under the ground.

But as I have learned through all the years of my whole existence, maybe that same approach can't be applied by me. Wishful thinking aside, I honestly don't think I have the emotional capacity to do that, knowing the fact that the consequences of my actions will affect others related to the matter in hand.

Because, truthfully, if my guts have a mind of its own, frankly it have shit for brains. Even if I really believe in what I've decided to do, close companions will tell me that I'm on the verge of making a big mistake. And in the end, they were right about it.

So maybe, I need a second to collect my thoughts before I decide on anything that is going to happen in my lfe in the near future.


Or maybe I should just shut up and do something about it.